I ASK YOU TALK: Ho Ho Ho! Some Santas Have Provocative Xmas Wishes This Year

December 2009 has, so far, been so wonderful and fun! I got to attend my first company holiday party, where I bonded with teammates, drank my fair share of chardonnay, and watched the executives boogie down to the Black Eyed Peas. I also embarked on a challenge with a friend to do "5 cool things in Dallas" before the end of the year. A bit ambitious, but fun to get up off my butt and get out on the town. Please send suggestions my way if you live in Dallas, as the challenge will continue through 2010!

I was, however, super bummed when I missed out on "Photo with Santa" day at work this year. Needless to say, I was pumped when a motley crue of Santas walked into the bar I was in last Saturday!

I think I said "woo!" out loud.

I asked these beer drinking (and slightly pervy) Santas, and other boozy bar goers (including a roller derby diva), about holiday wishes, songs, and mistletoe.

Name: Dirty Santa (right)
What do you want for Xmas? A v*gina. It's gotta be nice, and no VDs.
What is your favorite holiday tune? Silent Night...in German.
Who do you want to kiss under the mistletoe? The girl from Serendipity! Kate Beckinsale! She is the love of my life.

Name: Flava Flav Santa
What do you want for Xmas? A homeless woman with no clothes. She's gotta be clean. I just want to make her some clothes. OR, a midget with one leg and a good attitude.
What is your favorite holiday tune? Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire
Who do you want to kiss under the mistletoe? Tiger Woods - just a kiss on the forehead. I feel bad for him. I'd give him a bro hug.

Name: Joel
What do you want for Xmas? A sultry, intelligent girlfriend with red hair. (hmmm...see below)
What is your favorite holiday tune? This is the worst question ever! I would have to say I'm Getting Pissed for Christmas by Peter and the Test Tubes.
Who do you want to kiss under the mistletoe? Blake Lively.

Name: Maggie
What do you want for Xmas? An intelligent, nerdy, sweet and faithful boyfriend with glasses and brown hair.
What is your favorite holiday tune? Nat King Cole's Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire and Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer
Who do you want to kiss under the mistletoe? Let's see...Paul Rudd. Or the boyfriend I got for Xmas!

Name: Cruella Bruisille
What do you want for Xmas? A tattoo of a derby girl and a bass guitar.
What is your favorite holiday tune? Mele Kalikimaka
Who do you want to kiss under the mistletoe? Gene Simmons, for his long tongue.

Name: Phallic Thimble
What do you want for Xmas? For Queen to go on tour again
What is your favorite holiday song? Chiron Beta Prime - Jonathon Coulton. It's nerd folk.
Who do you want to kiss under the mistletoe? Drew Barrymore. She's someone who can kick my ass!

Hope you got some good ideas for your holiday playlist. Thanks to everyone for reading and sharing this year!! have a happyhappyholidays, and see you again in 2010.

I ASK YOU TALK: The American Rock 'n' Roll RAWKS in Rome

Hey! It's been a couple of months since a post, but I'm back online and on the street. I had a pretty sour October, which put me in a mini-funk and mostly MIA, but for the most part, it's behind me now. I'm feeling refreshed, after a week + of vacation, parental pampering, and a few gallons of white table wine.

I spent 3 tiny days in breathtaking Rome the early part of last week to burn some vacation days, catch up with the Karmachaya family (whom I hadn't seen since graduation!!), and get into a little bit of trouble with my bestie, A Plus, and her friend, BigBon, from college. While there, I became obsessed with the following:

• Pasta, pasta, and more pasta
• Nuns, but more so priests (see below)
• Cobblestone streets, bridges, and fountains
• Ridiculously thin Italians eating extremely carby meals

One night, after a 5 hour dinner and 3 liters of wine, the three of us were ready to turn in when we noticed a smoky crowd loitering outside the "best" rock 'n' roll bar in town, Big Star. Inside was a *super* enthusiastic DJ yelling "I love American Rock N Roll!" so we decided to stay for a beer (and strangely enough they had bottles of Brooklyn Lager for 4 euros).

Thanks to some liquid courage, I attempted to ask the locals some random questions about America using the five words I knew in italiano. It didn't really work, so A Plus and BigBon stepped in as my expert translators.

Name: Emanuele
Age: 28 years
Favorite American Rock 'n' Roll band? System of a Down
Have you ever kissed an American? No, not yet. But I like all girls - Italian, American, Asian (ed: not sure if he said this for me?)
Other interesting facts about him: He doesn't drink that much because he is training for an Ironman, and he likes to take serious photos.

Name: Martina

Age: 24 years

Favorite American Band? Pearl Jam. Eddie Vedder is beautiful!

Have you ever kissed an American? One moment please...no, but maybe I would. Wait. I don't know if I would.

Other interesting facts about her: She is friends with Emanuele.

Name: Gabriele

Age: 22 years

Favorite American Band? Red Hot Chili Peppers

Have you ever kissed an American? Si, Lynn Frasier. She lives here, but she might be from Washington D.C.

Other interesting facts about him: His friends were being haters because I kept speaking Spanish.

OK, this wasn't my best effort, but I'm rusty after a 2 month hiatus so cut me some slack. I promise the next one will be better.

I ASK YOU TALK: Crushing on a professor is generally weird

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I ASK YOU TALK: Love, Gangs and Celebrities in La La Land

I recently took a quick jaunt to Los Angeles to celebrate the birthday of one of my dearest friends, Jethro. Jethro and I have a lot of history - learning Spanish in Madrid, crashing open bar parties in New York, having Thanksgiving dinner with my parents, and more (my dad fondly remembers Jethro as “Dan”).

His birthday weekend was “wig-alicious” (as in, many wigs were worn), and, surprisingly, I left liking Los Angeles better than I thought I did. I asked current Angelenos and Dallas dwellers about the city and other tangential and need-to-know questions.

Name: Jethro
Years in Los Angeles: 6 years
What do you love about Los Angeles? It's easy to escape. The foodie culture of San Fran is an hour flight away. The excess of Vegas is a four hour drive. My family and the easiness of San Diego is two hours away. And when I'm missing the NYC winter, I can get a cabin in the (probably fake) snowy mountains of Big Bear - just a couple hours away!
Best or most recent celebrity sighting? I actually smoked cigs with Courtney Love during the intermission of Frances Bean's school production of Grease! I was there 'cuz my friend directed the musical. Frances Bean played Rizzo and Courtney thought she was being typecast because her mother was,well, not Sandra Dee.
Bloods or Crips? Shoot, I grew up in South San Diego during the late-80s, early 90s. Ihad cousins on both sides, but I was, and always will, remain neutral.

Name: Kelly
Years in Los Angeles: 2 years
What do you love about Los Angeles? Old hotel neon signs, palm trees, graffiti, burritos, little armenia/thai town w/armenian sausage sandwiches, runyan canyon, the formosa, the wiltern, angeles crest highway, PCH1
Best or most recent celebrity sighting? Ringo Starr. I saw him at a meeting.
Bloods or Crips? Neither because they were both set up by the gov't to sell guns and ratchet up profits for the prison industrial complex.

Name: Brian
Years in Los Angeles: On and off for 30 years
What do you love about Los Angeles? (1) unbeatable lifestyle opportunities (2) incredible year round weather (3) amazing ethnic food & culinary scene (4) melting pot of cultures and diversity
Best or most recent celebrity sighting? Gwyneth Paltrow at JFK - she asked me if I knew what movie was playing on the flight. I turned and said "I sure do...it's Shallow Hal!" hahaha!
Bloods or Crips? No preference. These gangs are a JV version of what they used to be.

Name: Ayyy (not real name)
Years in Dallas: 5 days
What do you love about Los Angeles? The city’s atmosphere and it’s close to the beach!
Best or most recent celebrity sighting? Brad Pitt in Springfield, MO, which is his hometown. This was when he was still married to Jennifer Aniston.
Bloods or Crips? Bloods. I have red hair!

Name: Kayyy (not real name)
Years in Dallas: 4 years
What do you love about Los Angeles? Santa Monica and the culture.
Best or most recent celebrity sighting? Lyle Lovett in the Austin Airport while waiting for my parents.
Bloods or Crips? Crips – I look better in blue.

Name: Crissy
Years in Dallas: 12 years
What do you love about Los Angeles? The weather – it’s hot but refreshing.
Best or most recent celebrity sighting? The Rock! I love the Rock. I saw him at LAX. I didn’t know it was him at first and he walked right by me!
Bloods or Crips? Crips – blue is my favorite color.

Name: Pedro (not real name)
What do you love about Los Angeles? Disneyland. But Los Angeles is a sh*thole.
Best or most recent celebrity sighting? Leslie. He wears a thong and a cropped shirt. He’s a local Austin celebrity and he hangs out on 6th Ave.
Bloods or Crips? Not answering because I work in Oak Cliff and there are a lot of gangs there. (Ed: Can someone confirm this?!)

Name: Tom
What do you love about Los Angeles? I’ve never been, but I think of Disneyland.
Best or most recent celebrity sighting? I was on a ski lift next to John Travolta in Aspen. I was in high school.
Bloods or Crips? Bloods. I like the Chicago Bulls.

Name: Ebony
Years in Dallas: 1 month
What do you love about Los Angeles? Everyone hates the pretentiousness but I love it! Stay at a millionaire’s house and you’ll love it too.
Best or most recent celebrity sighting? I met a real life “Chuckie” on Hollywood Blvd. He was 3 feet tall – WTF?!
Bloods or Crips? Scared. Just scared.

Now I have a craving for palm trees and a LiLo sighting!! Are you in a gang or have a great celeb sighting you're dying to tell people about? Post it here.

I ASK YOU TALK: Elvis Impersonators talk health care

This past week, I was able to see some of the best Elvis impersonators in Dallas sing their hearts out for a grand prize of $1,000. It was a great night in Oak Cliff - extreme swooning from ladies who love Elvis, large ectoplasm green margaritas, and a whole lot of sequins. Not to mention a semi-creepy electronic "Bust of Elvis" that was up for raffle. Oh, and did you know that Elvis died with 60 lbs of poop in his intestines?

The performances were extremely passionate - almost as passionate as the town hall meetings that are occuring around the country about health care. So I asked some of the Elvi, as well as some attractive Dallas professionals at happy hour, some important questions about their health.

Name: Roger

What was the worst illness or injury you've had? Pneumonia when I was little.

What is your medication of choice? Antibiotics, especially Z-pac. I had bronchitis recently.

Do you have health insurance? Yes.

Name: Aaron
What was the worst illness or injury you've had? Busting my chin open in a fight over a girl.
What is your medication of choice? Tums - I take them all the time.

Do you have health insurance? No.

Name: Danny
What was the worst illness or injury you've had? A boxer's fracture - I had a fight with the wall. It took 5 weeks to heal.

What is your medication of choice? Adaptex - it's an appetite suppressant and I take it once a day. I'm not into hardcore drugs.

Do you have health insurance? Yes.

Name: Katy
What was the worst illness or injury you've had? 1. C-section - knocked me on my ass for weeks. 2. Freshman year in college - the doctor misdiagnosed me as having strep throat, but it was really tonsilitis.

What is your medication of choice? Alka Seltzer - for so many things - sore throat, upset stomach, hangover!
Do you have health insurance? Yes.

Name: Scott
What was the worst illness or injury you've had? Arthroscopic surgery on my ankle. It was a basketball injury.

What is your medication of choice? Mushrooms, under the right circumstances.

Do you have health insurance? Yes. Thanks to the government, my COBRA is now being subsidized!

Name: Bobby
What was the worst illness or injury you've had? I broke my ankle wrestling in high school. I was in the 108 lb weight class sophomore year, 135 lb weight class senior year.

What is your medication of choice? Vodka.

Do you have health insurance? Yes.

Name: Michael
What was the worst illness or injury you've had? Last year, I fell down the stairs and cracked my head. I got three staples, a major concussion and minor brain trauma.

What is your medication of choice? Vicodin. It makes me relax.

Do you have health insurance? Yes.

Luckily, the worst illness I had involved a tainted chicken pizza from UNOS and some puking at a hipster club and on subway later that night. It was more embarrassing than anything.

Post your worst illness/injury or medication of choice here.

I ASK YOU TALK: What should I name my first child?

For those of you in marketing (like myself), there’s a hot new trend called crowdsourcing and everyone is doing it. The best definition I found for crowdsourcing was “consumers as creators” – consumers offer companies their ideas in hopes for some recognition and a prize, the companies hope the consumers are more engaged with their brands than they were before.

Examples:

• Netflix is offering a million dollars to team with the best algorithm that predicts what films members will like.
• American Airlines is offering 25,000 miles to the person who comes up with the best name for their new Facebook app.
• Threadless.com, a hipster t-shirt company, solicits designs and the highest rated ones get printed and sold.

Since I aspire to be on the cutting edge of marketing, I decided to test drive this concept (at my friend Rachel's birthday party) and crowdsource some important questions that I need answered in my life.

Name: Christina
Years in Dallas: 9 years
FroYo stores are all the rage. What should I name my first franchise? Fruity – it sounds healthy!
Where should I go on my next vacation? Thailand – for the fabulous beaches, great food, and it’s very affordable.
What should I name my first child? Alexander. You can call him Xander for short, which I think is so cool.

Name: Troy
Years in Dallas: 1 year
FroYo stores are all the rage. What should I name my first franchise? Betty’s – I like personalization
Where should I go on my next vacation? British Virgin Islands – you can go island hopping by sailboat.
What should I name my first child? Rachel – after the birthday girl, and only if she is born on August 7th

Name: Carrie
Years in Dallas: 1 year
FroYo stores are all the rage. What should I name my first franchise? Frozen Yogurt Store

Where should I got on my next vacation? Spain, Italy and Greece – my faves!
What should I name my first child? Carrie. It’s a good name.

Name: Gustavo, aka “Chino”
Years in Dallas: 4.5 years
FroYo stores are all the rage. What should I name my first franchise? FREEZE – because frozen yogurt is frozen.
Where should I go on my next vacation? Argentina – the exchange rate is 3 to 1 right now, and there are three distinct climates – hot, mild, and cold. The mild section has lots of nice wineries and it's where I'm from.
What should I name my first child? Facundo – it’s a sexy Argentinean name for a guy.

Four is not a crowd, so I also crowdsourced from this thing called the internets. Here are the best answers:

1. FroYo stores are all the rage. What should I name my first franchise?

• Fro Yo Sto!
• The Cream Pump
• Brrrrrr
• A Little Culture
• Sour Milk

2. Where should I go on my next vacation?

• Maui - so you can say Maui Wowee! (ed. note: Maui got multiple votes, but i've already been 2xs)
• Vancouver - a lot of history and the Olympics will be there next winter
• Ireland
• Pick a region of the country and drive to it - enjoy the journey, not just destination (ed. note: very deep!)
• St. Vincent - black sand beaches make for amazing sand castles

3. What should I name my first child?

• Lucas
• Roger
• Betty Jr.
• Brett Chung
• Barnaby
• 意
• Carvin Stone

The winners get a dinette set, and their answers posted on my blog! This crowdsourcing experiment was a success!

I ASK YOU TALK: We All Have "More to Love" So Love Us More

This edition is an interesting edition because:

1. It's "Virtual" - I simply didn't have the energy to accost strangers this week in Dallas.

2. I am personally connected to each of these people - read further.

3. The show "More to Love" debuted last week and OMG OMG OMG!!!! Did they really need to display the weight of each woman everytime they featured her? Side note: does Antonio Sabato Jr. *really* need a dating show?

Anyhow, I wanted the world to learn more about some of my friends, their wonderful "More to Love" body parts and how they keep themselves the gorgeous and fit beings that they are.


Name: Debbie
Betty Connection: We eat mac ‘n’ cheese everytime we see each other
What part of your body would you consider “More to Love”? My big hair which gets really curly and poofy in the summer and my large personality.
What is your workout regime like? Squat and lunges 3 times a week and 1-2 day of cardio. I should do more cardio but oh well!
Do you have any workout advice for my readers? Mix up your workout and do as much cardio as you can tolerate.



Name: Sid
Betty Connection: We are email pen pals/fiends and friends from high school.
What part of your body would you consider “More to Love”? 1. My pecs. I like to do a lot of pushups. Women should love my pecs. 2. My passion. I get excited talking about things that probably bore other people. I don't care. I love what I love and you should love that I do.
What is your workout regime like? I've had to get back to basics so I focus on pushups, sit-ups, and other body-weight exercises daily. I try to follow Jason Statham's advice to explode in the gym for 40 minutes max, so you can get out there and live a real life.
Do you have any workout advice for my readers? Don’t set unrealistic and unreasonable goals. Set a very small goal, attain that, and then make another small goal.
Check out Sid's musings about life, law and media at siduberoi.com

Name: Betsy
Betty Connection: We make fun of boys at bars
What part of your body would you consider “More to Love”? I would say my demanding personality. It makes me feel like a real woman.
What is your workout regime like? I was able to drop about 20 pounds in a few months sticking to a strict cigarette and coffee diet.
Do you have any workout advice for my readers? Smoking is totally underrated as a weight loss tool.

Name: Aaron
Betty Connection: We both attended a 3 day web analytics training session last fall in Herdon, VA.

What part of your body would you consider “More to Love”? Let's just say that you hate to see me go but you love to watch me leave. My larger than life ass has made pants buying a challenge for years.
What is your workout regime like? I usually spend an hour a day with my Wii Fit. The Hula Hoop game is a gruelly aerobic workout and I'm a much better virtual hula hoop-er than I am a real life one.
Do you have any workout advice for my readers? Workout to stay healthy. My roommate does two-a-day workouts to achieve the perfect body but you only need it if you're in pictures. Your adoring fans are your friends and family and they don't care if you gorgeous - they just want you around for as long as possible.
Get your entertainment fix, all opinionated and stuff, at Entertainment Matters, courtesy of Aaron.

Name: Amreen
Betty Connection: We went to high school together
What part of your body would you consider “More to Love”? I love me my little pot belly... it took years to get comfy with it and realize that the waif look was never gonna be me but now it’s just so fun to rub... specially after a lovely meal!
What is your workout regime like? I don't "work out" per se but i'm pretty active...I ride my bike around a lot and try to do bikram yoga 3 times a week... my new found love is hula hooping... man that whips a tummy in shape!

Do you have any workout advice for my readers? Find something you love doing and stick with that - staying healthy shouldn't be a chore.
Hungry? Salivate over Amreen's yummy-licious blog Comida y Cultura.

Name: Andrew
Betty Connection: My date to the Sadie Hawkins dance sophomore year in high school
What part of your body would you consider “More to Love”? My calf muscles. I have been born with large calf muscle genes that I don't fully utilize.
What is your workout regime like? Jogging/running 3 times a week, abs twice a week, muscle building 3 times a week. Sometimes I go swim, yoga or just do something different.
Do you have any workout advice for my readers? Stay consistent - This is the key to keeping up a healthy lifestyle and exercise routine.

Name: Ben
Betty Connection: My friend A+ and I met him at a bar in Brooklyn, playing Battleship (say that 3x fast!)
What part of your body would you consider “More to Love”? Ever since I can remember, both my thighs and calves were developed and bulbous, making my upper body seem puny in comparison. (However, this provided me with the incentive to get my upper body developed to balance things out.)
What is your workout regime like? It varies - in the winter I go snowboarding every weekend. In warmer weather I go bike riding with friends or play regular and table tennis (hey, I’m Asian!). I also practice jiu-jitsu.
Do you have any workout advice for my readers? Do what you love. You’ll stay with something if you genuinely enjoy it. And make sure you have fun!
Get your booty shake on - Ben spins funky stuff in the NYC area as dj SOUL KOREA. Keep track of his whereabouts at myspace.com/soulkorea and on twitter @soulkorea!

So hula hooping seems to be a new fitness trend, mix that up with some jazz walks and bicep curls and you've got a workout! Remember, you heard it here first @ little b in the big d.

I ASK YOU TALK: The Stuff We Can't Live Without

A recent study came out claiming 71% of respondents "could not live without Facebook." C'mon, really? I love me some Facebook, but I can stalk ex-boyfriends in other ways on the internet. (just kidding!)

There are quite a few things I can't live without - chapstick and potato chips being tops on the list. No one wants to see me go through chapstick/potato chip withdrawal. I surveyed some happy people, all of whom have spent double digit years in Dallas, to find out the stuff they can't live without, and whether Facebook is one of them.

Name: Mauricio
Years in Dallas: 10 years
What is the one thing you can't live without? TV - The History Channel! OK, the news. I have to know what is going on in the world. I'll watch it on any channel.
Do you have a Facebook account? No, I don't.

Name: Christina
Years in Dallas: 32 years
What is the one thing you can't live without? A navigational device. I've lived in Dallas all my life but I am directionally (and vertically!) challenged.

Do you have a Facebook account? Yes.

How many friends do you have? Sub-200 friends.

Name: John (left)

Years in Dallas: 50 years

What is the one thing you can't live without? Music - I like classical and jazz.

Do you have a Facebook account? Yes.
How often do you go on Facebook? Twice a day.

Name: Mary (right)

Years in Dallas: 26 years

What is the one thing you can't live without? Films, especially ones that take you all over the world. I love international movies!

Do you have a Facebook account? You bet!
How often do you go on Facebook? Every 20 minutes! I'm a concierge and I read the status updates for stuff to do in Dallas.

Name: Kern

Years in Dallas: 20 years
What is the one thing you can't live without? Food. I think about it a lot. I'm not a material person. [ed: What is your favorite food?] I love fruit. And crawfish etoufee.

Do you have a Facebook account? Yes.

How often do you go on Facebook? Once a day.

Name: Joel
Years in Dallas: 28 years

What is the one thing you can't live without? The underground music scene. Through the years, I've been into the Butthole Surfers, but right now I'm into Japanese bands, like Melt Banana.

Do you have a Facebook account? I'm not on Facebook. I'm too old! I had a CB radio in high school!

Name: Phillip
Years in Dallas: 39 years

What is the one thing you can't live without? A proper martini. Gin stirred with cocktail onions. I make my own cocktail onions. It's not that hard.

Do you have a Facebook account? Yes.
How often do you go on Facebook? Almost never. Every living human I like, I see.

Is there anything you absolutely cannot live without? Post it here. Don't be shy!

**Thanks to Tony for taking all these photos for me!