I ASK YOU TALK: Older Cowboys are Mean

Last Wednesday, I went TWO-STEPPING. No, really!! It was Ladies Night at Cowboys Arlington, and a co-worker invited me to go out with her and her friend. All I can say is WOW.

A few observations:

1. Older cowboys are mean. I asked a couple of older cowboy-types if I could interview them for my acclaimed Dallas blog. They said "Hell no!" I don't know if this was because they didn't read blogs, or if they were just camera shy. Younger cowboys, however, are very sweet - see "Allen" below for proof!

2. Cowboys are gentlemen. Despite #1, in general, men were very polite and asked girls to dance. They didn't just grind up against them and assume the girls would be ok about it (which is what I'm used to).

3. Ladies Night = Balloon Drop. This is possibly the coolest thing ever. At midnight, all the women get called to the dance floor. They all congregate underneath a huge net with hundreds of balloons (see photo above). The net is released and the women madly fight for the balloons. My balloon had a free drink ticket in it! My friend's balloon had two 1 dollar bills. Another friend's balloon had nothing.

I met some wholesome red-blooded Americans my night out with the ladies, and here's what they had to tell me about their 4th of July plans.

Name: Heather
Years in Dallas/Fort Worth: 20 years
4th of July plans? Cookout, watch fireworks off the lake, and go to the movies
Do you drive an American car? Yes, a Chevy!
Would you wear a stars and stripes bikini? Maybe if I were paid lots of money! But I used to have a stars and stripes leotard for gymnastics.



Name: Steve
Years in Dallas/Fort Worth: 4 years
4th of July plans? Going home to Harlem!
Do you drive an American car? Yes I do. A Lincoln.
Would you wear a stars and stripes speedo? I mean, yeah. I've worn speedos before.



Name: Aaron
Years in Dallas/Fort Worth: 6 years
4th of July plans? Sitting at the house. Don't have no plans.
Do you drive an American car? Yes, a Ford.
Would you wear a stars and stripes speedo? I don't know. It's going to be an instant reaction if I do or not.



Name: Brian [ed. note: he gave me a two step lesson!]
Years in Dallas/Fort Worth: 31 years
4th of July plans? Going to the lake, watch fireworks or something like that. Maybe go to a bar.
Do you drive an American car? No, I drive a Honda Accord.
Would you wear a stars and stripes Speedo? Not really into speedos. Maybe a stars & stripes bodysuit for surfing. I was in the Marine Corp Infantry. Our dress blues were very patriotic.

Name: Shawn
Years in Dallas/Fort Worth: 3 years
4th of July plans? Probably working. I work at IHOP.
Do you drive an American car? No, a BMW.
Would you wear a stars and stripes Speedo? No, I don't wear speedos. Also, I wear stripes, not stars.



Name: Allen
Years in Dallas/Fort Worth: 8 years
4th of July plans? Going to team roping and bull riding [ed. note: he's a real life cowboy, certified and everything!!]
Do you drive an American car? Yes, an American truck - Dodge Ram 1500.
Would you wear a stars and stripes Speedo? For girls as pretty as you, yes.

Awwwwww...needless to say, Allen totally made my night.

Don't worry, I'm back

I know all of you have been wondering where I've been. And by all of you, I mean the one person who asked me about the blog this past weekend. Anyhow, lots of happy Dallas things have happened in the last week.

1. While recycling my paper products, a car pulled up and a guy got out with tons of cardboard boxes. I felt a kinship with this guy because we both had one goal in mind - saving the earth!!! We exchanged smiles and it made me feel like there are people who care about the environment here in the Big D.

2. My friend from NYC came to visit and we had the BEST BEST BEST weekend! We had lots of drinks and caught up on the last 6 months of our lives, hung out by the pool and drank free beer, went to the rodeo and honky tonk in Ft. Worth, watched the new Woody Allen movie, and made a totally fresh and yummy meal made from ingredients from the farmers market.

3. The rodeo and honky tonk was so amazing! OK, not totally true, but totally ridiculous. The rodeo was a little bit shocking because there was quite a bit of calf torture. Then there was the part where 50+ little kids got to run out in the middle of the ring, and chase a sheep that was scared sh*tless. There were way too many guys wearing Wranglers and cowboy hats.

4. My Ft. Worth rodeo outfit was very appropo. I channeled Daisy Duke and wore a vintage plaid shirt tied at the waist and denim booty shorts. No cowboys asked me to dance though :(. My friend from work took pity on me and *kinda* taught me how to two step. We ended up elbowing a lot of people in the face.

5. OK, this is not a great thing, but while driving home from Ft. Worth, I encountered a car driving on the wrong side of the road while a train came rolling towards me. Freaky, especially with a car full of people, but glad it wasn't my fault!

Hummer count: waaaaaaaaaay too many to count. The best place to see a Hummer line-up is valet parking at the mall. I saw four in a row! Incredible and barfy!